Buddy Zoned

I’m in my early 20s and fairly new to the dating game. I fear getting hurt, so I don’t tend to put myself out there. I usually meet new people through friends and in my college lectures. My first crush in college was on my best guy friend. At the time we were both first year students in the same major. We met in our major-level entry course. That semester I made a close group of four friends. He was the only guy in the group, and the other two girls were non majors. When I knew I “liked” him, I thought he was more interested in one of the other girls in our “crew”. They were both prettier and more popular. I was quiet and the only one with a car on campus(partially the reason why I thought they befriended me). But those were the thoughts of an insecure college newbie.

By the end of the semester he had a girlfriend. And I was in the Buddy Zone. At least that’s what I thought. Next semester we had a major-level course together, by that time our “crew” had sadly disbanded 😦 Then summer rolled around. He and I texted one another during the summer, and we became closer (as friends). Mid summer, he told me that he had broken up with his girlfriend. Mind you, we only stayed in contact through text, and maybe 1 or 2 Skype chats. So I, being the caring, and super emotional person I am, reassured him about his breakup, and told him all the classic things you say to a person who is newly single. Turns out that he ended their relationship because he realized he had liked someone else all along…. ME.

I was faced with the terrifying decision that many best friends have had. I knew that I liked him, but did I want to risk taking our relationship to the next level, when it could all go south and end up ruining our bond? But, he was determined. When he knows what he wants he goes for it and doesn’t take no for an answer. I thought that staying in the Buddy Zone was the right path.

He changed majors that fall, but we were closer than ever. We went to events together, and with time, I opened myself to the idea of us being a couple. I didn’t tell him this, that I had let my walls down. Things happened as they naturally would have. Instead of bottling up my emotions, I let them shine. He began taking me to dinner and insisting on paying for everything (which I was not a fan of). In public he would hold my hand. I got him to watch my favorite TV series every week. We would binge watch episodes together.

But, this was my first semi legit relationship. He had relationships in the past. I was still figuring out who I was as a person. And I feared that being in a relationship would tether me to being someone I wasn’t. I loved our relationship, it was young and romantic, but I knew I was changing, I was getting older and taking harder courses. I needed to focus on becoming myself before being a couple. So, as some would say “cold heartedly” I ended our relationship. It hurt so much more than I thought it would. He tried for weeks to convince me otherwise, but I turned my heart stone and tried to Buddy Zone him. Although I later heard that I broke his heart, (mine did too), to this day, he still says he’s waiting for me.

At first I thought he just liked the fact that I was a challenge, because I was the first girl to tell him no. Since then, he’s been in multiple relationships, most of which, others have told me are sub par to what we had/could have had. Truth is, I have changed a lot, more than I have ever expected of myself. I still catch myself thinking about him almost every day, and it’s been more than a year! Deep down, I feel that there is someone new, out there, that’s going to impact my life in a beautiful way. I’m not saying it’s not him, it could be. But as many say, if you really love someone you have to let them go. I let him go, for us both to grow, and if fate has us together again, it will happen. In the meantime, I will take advantage of the Buddy Zone, because I want my prince charming to be my best friend too.

-Thxoxoxo

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