Written last Sunday…
Hello readers, I am on a flight back home from Savannah Georgia. It was my first time to the famous city, but definitely not the last. I went to my close friend’s wedding, which was in Telfair Square, for those who have been to Savannah before.
My favorite part about my visit was seeing the homes of downtown Savannah. They were each unique and the vibe of the whole area was a home-y vibe. You could tell that the homes were lived in for years, they weren’t cold and vacant.
My friend, whose wedding I went to, is a friend I’ve had since I was very young. We have a group of friends we grew up together, we called ourselves “the gang” at the time we thought we were so clever, hahaha. Now we’ve all grown up and most of us are out of college and building our own lives. But whenever we see each other it feels as if we were never apart.
You would think that this is a great feeling to have with others, but I felt something different during this trip, I have to consider that fact that my character has changed a lot since going to college. I used to be the quiet one who kept to herself. I still am, I’m reserved in many situations, but the Gemini in me, a.k.a my another face, has shown herself more often the past few years. And I’ve grown to love her more mad more every day. This weekend I’ve realized that I have grown out of my old friends just as I have with my “old face”. It’s not necessarily a bad thing right?
Throughout college I have had many experiences with different kinds of people. And from that I’ve learned the types of people I want to spend my time with, and the ones I don’t want to waste effort with. Sadly I feel like my oldest fiends have become wasted effort. Especially this past weekend. I still had a lovely time, but I’m returning from the experience unsatisfied and a bit disappointed.
I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I am an extremely loyal friend, and I always look to positive side of every situation. This weekend was something different, going to a new place, one would be curious about what places to visit and what sights to see. That’s how the weekend started out, I had done a bunch of research in advance and gotten recommendations from other friends on which places to eat at, one being Leopold’s Ice Cream. I won’t beat around the bush, I wanted to explore and make the most of the weekend, much more than my friends did. It took so much effort to even get them to take a picture with me. I would suggest places to go, and all I got in return were complaints and “Ugh, I’m tired.” Or , “nah, I don’t want to.”
It’s not that they don’t want to, it’s that they don’t want to make the extra effort! At one point I thought screw it, I’m going to go on my own or see what my parents are going because I couldn’t stand the negative energy. I knew about this wedding in advance, so I slaved the week before to finish all my coursework and I had an exam the same day I traveled! All I wanted to was explore Savannah with my friends, eat great food, and doll up to go out at night. Sure we ate a few places, but to get them there took so much mental energy. I’m the type of person who thrives off vibes. So when I’m with people who are happy and enjoying themselves, then no matter how I’m feeling, I’ll be happy because they are happy. But the opposite vibes make me want to shoot myself just to be rid of the misery. They all gave minimal effort. They don’t want to take the risk to adventure outside their comfort zone and possibly open their tiny mindset to all the possibilities that the area and the people around them can provide, hence me. I felt taken advantage of and I ended up constantly thinking of who I’d rather be enjoying those moments with.
What really frustrated me was that after the rare occurrence that any of them listened to me, and got off their butts to take an artsy picture, they would look at the pictures afterwards and revel in them saying “omg that’s so cute, can you send it to me!?” And I would say “yeah sure!” Cause in the moment I was just so relived that they showed interest. Afterwards it dawned on my how ridiculous I was. I’m sitting here thinking, “are you kidding me?” They were just complaining about taking pictures and they want me to share all the pics I took?! Then a million questions flooded my mind,
“Do they really care that I’m here?”
“Do they realize the rarity of the fact that we are all in the same place, basically on the same vacation?”
“Are they thinking of anyone else’s feelings rather than their own?”
This is what I meant about being taken advantage of. At this point I had made it a bit clearer that I was annoyed, but I felt like they were too consumed with themselves to recognize my frustration. And maybe some of them did, but they have never once made an effort to comfort me and see how I was feeling. I’m always the one listening to them vent about their lives, and waiting for them to ask me about mine. I don’t want to just bust out on my life rant, because they just sit there in daze before turning the conversation back to themselves and their drama.
If you couldn’t already tell, I think way too much. I take my friendships seriously, and I put a lot of effort and passion behind everything I do. And I am extremely considerate of everyone person involved in my life, putting them before myself. This post is a rare occurrence of me ranting, but the whole point of having this blog is for me to express myself in a safe environment, and connect with others who have had similar experiences. I spoke to one of my close friends about all that happened, and how I was doubting even publishing this post. In the end she told me to post it because there are people who value my opinion, in fact there are about 700 of you, and I know that you would be interested in what I have been experiencing.
So let me know what you think? Have you been through similar times?